Category Archives: Email forwards

Management Joke- Must Read!

                                             
Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him,

“Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared,

jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey,

 “but I haven’t got the energy. “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull.

 “They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the

first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted

by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, “I should be Boss because

I control the whole body’s responses and functions.”

The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go.

” The hands said, “We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money.

” And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up.

All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike,

blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed,

the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.

All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson: You don’t need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to

the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped

some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat

heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered

the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lessons:
1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!                                             
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Funny Pics…

A Cute Romantic Story

So I decided that I’d ask her to marry me.
Or ask her if she would marry me.
Or say that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.
Or tell her I loved her, and that I wanted her to be with me forever.
Or give her a ring — a big, huge diamond ring. Or just get down on my
knees and let my eyes say it all.

Well, I had reached a decision. What exactly I was going to do about
it, I didn’t know — at least not yet.

It’s now exactly one year since the first time I had started talking
with her– an anniversary of sorts. I remembered, because that
>first time was New Year.

And tomorrow it’s New Year again.
And we had become close friends.
And I had fallen in love.

And since I am a simple-minded sort of guy, I have decided I want to
marry her.

But How to tell her, though, was a bit of a problem.
There were so many ways to do it and choosing the right one wasn’t
easy. And I had no idea how she’d react.

Would she think I was moving too fast?
Was it too early to suggest marriage?
Was she even interested in me in that way?

Surely, the best way to find out was to tell her how I felt, and ask
her if she felt the same.
And if she did, then we could get married. Right?

These thoughts had been in my head from the moment I had
>woken up that morning. And I’d only been awake a few minutes. As I finished
>brushing my teeth, the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi!” It was her.

The sound of her cheery voice took my breath away. “Hi!” I replied,
almost whispering.

“Listen,” she said, sounding very excited. “I’m having a
>party at home tonight. Be there at eight.”

“Sure,” I replied.

“Ok, bye!” And she put the phone down.

I stood there for almost a minute, staring at the phone in my hand.

And then I stupidly said “Bye” to it.

I would have to reach the party early, to tell her in private. Or
should I say it right there in front of all the guests? Or after the
party, when we were cleaning up after everyone was gone?

And what was I going to get her? Should I get her anything at
>all? How
about flowers? Roses? Or was that too clichéd?
Orchids sounded better.
Or bluebells.
Or tulips.
Or cauliflower.

I checked my thoughts. No. Not cauliflower.

It’s New Year.
A gift was definitely in order.
I could get her that moonstone pendant she liked so much.
But then it was a little flimsy as a gift.
It was really a toy more than a piece of jewellery.
But did it matter if she really liked it?

Should I get her a book instead?
Or a CD?
Or an earring?
Or should I make her something?
I thought about my artistic skills and decided that that was probably
not a good idea.

I spent so much time looking for a suitable gift all day that by the
time I decided that flowers would be a better option, all the florists had closed.

And it was also too late to try to get to her house early and catch her alone.

So I decided I’d tell her after the party when everyone was gone. And
that I wouldn’t get her anything — more because I couldn’t, than
anything else.

Feeling like a fool, and extremely nervous, I reached her doorstep. I
was on time, but there didn’t seem to be any noise coming from inside.
Maybe no one had turned up yet. After all, who came to a party on time?

I stood there and composed myself for a minute.
Then, reasonably confident that the turmoil I was going through
wouldn’t show, I knocked.

She opened the door, but only a fraction.
She slid out without opening the door completely, handed me a
>piece of cloth, and told me to tie it around my eyes. “We’re playing
>Blind Man’s Buff,” she said.

Meekly, I put the blindfold on, and she led me into the house. There
was silence, and no one was making a sound. Quite sneaky of
>everyone, I thought to myself.

She spun me around a little, and then made me stop.
She backed away, and then said from somewhere behind me, “Ok, you can
take it off now.”

Though a little confused as to what version of Blind Man’s Buff was
played after taking the blindfold off, I complied.

And as soon as I opened my eyes, I froze.

I was standing in the middle of her empty living room, and the lights
had all been turned off. But the room was brightly lit with dozens of
candles.

And on the wall in front of me, was a big poster with the following
words on it:

One year ago, this day we met.

There was an arrow pointing to the right, beside the poster.

So I turned. On the next wall were the words:

One year of friendship
One year of joy
One year of laughter
between a girl and a boy

One year of comfort
One year of closeness
One year of peace
and a whole lot of happiness

On the third wall, was:

One year or Six,
a lifetime it seems,
And yet, it feels just like yesterday

I turned to look at the fourth wall, and there, standing in front of
it, was she, holding up a poster in her hands that said:

I want to be this happy forever

Will You Marry Me?

Science Joke — Newton’s tricks

Once all the scientists die and go to
heaven…… ……

They decide to play hide-n-seek. ……..

Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the
den……… ..

He is supposed to count up to 100…and then start
searching… ..

Everyone starts hiding except Newton ………

Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it
right in front of Einstein…. ……..

Einstein’s counting

1, 2, 3……97, 98, 99…. ..100……. .

He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in
front……. .

Einstein says ” Newton ‘s out. Newton ‘s….out. ….”

Newton denies and says I am not out……..

He claims that he is not Newton ……

All the scientists come out to see how he proves that
he is not Newton …

Newton says “I am standing in a square of area 1 meter
squared…..

That makes me Newton per meter squared….. .

Since one Newton per meter squared is one Pascal, I’m
Pascal,

Therefore Pascal is OUT……… ..!

A beautiful poem

A thick haze settles over the ocean,

The horizon turns pink as far as the eye can see.

All creatures hurry back home,

As the sun plunges into the sea.

Someone somewhere made a fortune today,

Someone somewhere lost all that he ever had.

Someone will sleep with a smile on his face,

Someone with a heavy heart will be sad.

Someone somewhere was born to rule,

Someone somewhere was born to die.

Someone today found someone he loves,

Someone has left someone to cry.

Someone’s life has changed today,

For some, it was just another day.

Someone somewhere is dumbfounded by his good fate,

Someone has nothing more left to say.

The beauty of this setting sun,

Is too divine for me to summarize.

As I sit here and watch the setting sun,

Someone somewhere sees it rise……

All about SAGITTARIANS

SAGITTARIUS MAN

A man who loves social life and curious about every new progress, new development to make sure he is in the era and always have all up date information. He likes to know what is the latest trend of fashion and make sure he is not out of style. You can easily spot him at the grand opening of new pub, new restaurant for he loves to participate in social activity.

There is a few Sagittarius who is a private person as well, but you could see that he will be ahead of his friends. He will know what is the best seller book, what are the top 10 hot hit of the week. The hottest movies showing now, he must have already seen it.

He hates routine, It makes him bored. He likes to get to his goals and succeeding in doing so is his true reward. Money making is O.K. but it is not his true joy, for he can easily spent them in a short while. They say if you want the truth, go and ask Sagittarius. They are right, you can ask him and he will tell you all the truth and very straight forward. Even he may speak bluntly, his friends loves him. If you have problems, all your friends may feel sorry for you, but Sagittarius will be the one who will give you a helping hand first and even expect no return favor. That’s why he is a real charmer even sometimes big mouth.

When he is mad , he can be quite fierce but quickly dissolve and easily forgotten. He is not a person who will take a revenge, so if he say he going to burn down your house, you can relax. He likes compliments and sweet words, so you can manipulate him easily. If he knows you are not sincere, you will totally become meaningless to him.

Some Sagittarius are gifted musician, or singer. He is a happy soul, has a good humor and has lots of jokes. He loves freedom, lively and very energetic. If he is working, he will take his job seriously. He likes to travel, likes to see new exciting places. Going out or traveling make him happy.

Sagittarius man is like a free bird. He lives as if everyday is Sunday. He will hardly be in a bad mood, but if he is in a bad mood, you will better leave his sight. If you want to talk to him in such mood, try to avoid issue of commenting his life. He flirts like other man, but he has a built in brake, so he will come back to you by himself. If he disappear for a few days, not to worry for he is only recharging his battery to be that same lively person again, them he will be back.

He has allergies to Pretty woman, so in love with many woman for him would be normal. Setting dating schedule is his games and it’s fun for him, and this will keep him from being bored. He hates obligations, so the word “marriage” would suffocate him. If you allow him to have freedom, he will not go anywhere.

He falls in love as easy as he catches cold, especially if she is cute, funny and she has a strong personality. No one can tell how long he will be in love each time. If you want to really hold Sagittarius man, act like you are in an adventure movie. At all time, you should make yourself lively, tells him some jokes, always be cute so that it will ease up his allergy to other pretty woman a bit.

SAGITTARIUS WOMAN

A tall slim and graceful woman who walked proudly like she is walking in a beauty pageant competition. If she slips or nearly falls, she will nicely covered it up and continue with her graceful and impressive walking step. She knows how to use make up to enhance her beauty. She looks at the world positively, so her face always seem so happy. She will not get up set easily.

Self confident woman who belief in her own style. She will not follow fashion, but standing in between simplicity and too modern. She is a very open person, sometimes can be too blunt. She is an honest person and never try to cause troubles for any one.

She likes to say something that you do not want to hear and yet she can say something so pleasing at the same time. Example she may say “I wish you could make more money, so you could afford better cloth, but anyway it is better this way. If you make more money you could be thinking of money too much and become greedy”. She can say such thing and make you wonder if you should get up set or love her more.

She is also a free spirit and does not like to stay home. She likes to be protected, but not to give her orders. She has no respect to a weak man. If she try to over powered you, then you have to calm her down and try to control her to be in a limit by doing the same thing too. She will listen if she respect you. She likes to be herself and like her guy to be himself.

She is a no nonsense woman, so you will not hear she says ” Guess what I will do next”, or “Guess what I am thinking” because she always say what she is thinking out loud like a guy. If you do not understand her in this matter, you could easily break up with her. She sees problems in her love life as another funny story.

She is clumsy and it is in her nature. You may think it is cute, but for some neat guys this could be so unbearable. She is very friendly, so she can easily turn her enemy to be her friends. She has good taste in fine cloths, good food, first class and first services. Even a poor woman in this Zodiac will struggle to afford such good taste. She could spent lots of money as if she can not understand how difficult it is to make money. If you think of let her borrow money, think again.

She is a paranoid. If she thinks you like her, she may already think about getting marry and lost her freedom and so on and on. A jolly woman who loves sports. She is an ordinary woman who could dress like a tomboy. She has more guy friends and sometimes could act like one of a guy. She does not care about rumors, so she can get home very late and couldn’t careless what her neighbor will gossip about her. She thinks either good or bad, you will know it yourself , so you should not bother what people think.

Her wit and innocent look are her charms. She is often hurts from love, but never afraid to look for a new one as if she is singing “Do that to me one more time”. She likes going straight and being straight forward. She will not go around to get what she wants, or beat around the bush just to say something. If you meet her and tell her straight what you think, she will admire you.

All about CAPRICORNS

CAPRICORN MAN

A man in this Zodiac will has a pair of round big beautiful eyes, a nice structure jaw line. He is a good listener and can understand everything easily and clearly. He can guess what you will say before you even say it. He often shakes his head or touch his hair. He is a big built, but he will tend to have a small ear. He tends to have a darker shade of hair and eyes’ color. He will likely have a short and strong neck, broad shoulder, muscular, strong hands and grips. He has a shorter fingers compare to the man of the same size and same height in the other zodiac. His hands can work well at the same time can protect and care for his woman.

His height will be proportional to his weight. He will walk firmly and always take a big long step. As he walks he will look around in caution with no disturbance from his problems at present or in the past. He likes to watch things built with fascinate and wonder about how it is done, so you could see him watching a construction site and not get bored.

He is a good dancer. He is a careful person in instinct, so even at dance floor, he will already have to know what in front or behind him before he will take any steps.

Green is his favorite color. You will mostly see him wear green, navy, blue, or brown. In all 12 Zodiacs, he is the one who can get the most satisfaction from possession of beautiful thing, and cherish it as if it is very valuable to him even it is just a crystal ball made in France.

It is his luck that he hardly has to chase after woman. They always come themselves without his invitation. He likes to treat his guest in his house than visiting his guest at their house. He does not like to be a center of attention, so if you need his help, you have to look up for him. He lives his life in stability and simplicity. Every decision made are already “Sure” and carefully thought out. He will not do what he has been asked to do if he is not interested in doing it. He acts casually but in reality, he always doing things seriously.

He loves peaceful and quiet environment so in his free time, he will stay at home instead of going out and look for adventure. He loves nature and dreams of a nice and quiet house with lots of trees, or he may dream of a house in a beautiful countryside.

He will let you have freedoms and watching you in a distance. If you are over doing something, he will let you know by his icy cold look. He is the perfect lover in all the Zodiac for nothing he will not do for his love one. He won’t allow people to laugh at him or think he is a joker, so he will spent for himself luxury for what it is worth.

He likes neat and well dressed woman, so do not be a slop if you are dating this guy. If you do that he will loose his face. He is the romantic type who would dance with you under the moon light.

Love will make him shines and you will see it in his face. He will not say it out loud, you have to know it yourself.

CAPRICORN WOMAN

A tall slim, cool and quiet woman. Once she is mad she can be very fierce. She can work better than some men and she is very high confident woman. In her opinion, woman is not just a flower or decoration at home or at an office and certainly not a weak sex who needs protection.

She likes to control and hide her weak emotions. She will never try to change anyone, but she will learn to accept them as they are. If she does not like someone, she will not comments or criticize but she will completely ignore that person.

She hate plastic and an artificial flower because it make her feel that you are not being sincere. She loves real flower and it’s scent. She loves a guy who wear after shave cologne. If you are a type of a guy who wear your Jean one month before washing, or wear an old sneaker, then you can forget about her.

She loves music and nature even there is a rare case otherwise. She loves to go picnic in nature, so if you don’t have so much time for her, you can take her fishing too.

She is not as jealous as Aquarius or Leo woman, but do not cross the line O.K. Better not to see she gets mad, especially in front of public when she feels like loosing face. She loves to make up and dress perfectly and very neat, so never rush her for this matter.

She has her own goal in life and does not care if you have a doctorate degree or not, if she thinks you are not bright then she will not care about you at all. She likes smart people by character not by certificate shown. If you can not show her this quality, go and take a bus and go to the next stop.

She does not like a dreamer who talk about his dream but never put his hands in action to make it happens. Don’t bother to tell her “everyone is doing it, you should do it too”, or “I think you should do it, it’s good for you”, because she will do what she wants to do only.

She is a neat and tidy person, so if your apartment is a pigsty , do not take her there. If you go out on a date with her , try to be presentable such as nice and clean dress, clean nails or else it will be your last date.

She is a cool type and will not nag, so easy on your ears. She is a slow but sure type. She will always respect and honor you and will never try to make you loose your face. If she loves you, she will help you in anything you do.

She likes to help people and expect nothing in return. If she asks you for a favor and does not get one, she will feel very disappoint. She has a high hope and a high faith and beliefs in her own confident than believing in “Luck”.

If she is your wife, you will have nice and clean home and a gourmet cooking. If your parents visit your house, they will be please. She is a 3 in 1 means , a perfect mother, a perfect housewife, a perfect wife or you could say “happily ever after”.